A Season of Gratitude

Ahhh, the Thanksgiving season is upon us. How did that happen so quickly? As you get older, busier and more run down the days seem to come and go so much faster. I've been reading this article in my Real Simple magazine about the benefits of being grateful. Remember when Oprah went through that whole gratitude shick with the journal and the book and all that? Yeah, well I was too young then and too busy gettin' it done to take the time out to participate. Now that I'm a little older and a little wiser, it seems like a good idea. So in addition to my prayer request journal I've added a column of 5 things I'm grateful for each day. Here are some of the "take homes" I got from the article about the benefits of expressing gratitude.

• It helps you feel in control. Hello, BONUS! The more control I have over ANYthing these days, the better. It says people who acknowledged gratitude once per week felt more autonomous than those who didn't.
• It improves your health. Apparently people who kept gratitude journals tend to exercise an average of 33% more and sleep a 1/2 hour more each night. Yeah okay, we'll see.
• It helps you cope better with trauma. Painful memories are less likely to surface in those who are regularly grateful. Alright, this I'll buy. I'm pretty grateful internally, and I think it has a lot to do with my outlook in bad times.
• It bolsters self-worth and self-esteem. When you count your blessings, the positives outway the negatives in difficult times. This sounds like another personal bonus to me, so I like it.
  

So that's what I got out of this article, and it's challenged me to rediscover the lost art of letter writing. I fear that my nieces and the youngest crowd in my generation won't ever even know the proper format and tone of a letter. We're so hip and high tech that no one ever takes the 10 minutes you need to write a letter. Consider yourself notified: you may receive a letter from me soon. I'm committing. I included some pics of a few people and places I'm thankful for. I invite you to explore your gratitude for the remainder of this month. Stick a post-it note on your monitor everyday with one thing you're thankful for. I wonder if it will put life into perspective for you. MAN, I'm deep.

Time out, I've decided to add a new beat to the blog. My Ins and Outs. Sometimes I just need to say what I'm down with and what I'm over, so stay tuned.

The new Eagles Greatest Hits CD, Christmas stuff and music being out at Target, short hair cuts, wearing the right navy with black, these super cute personalized tumblers from Market Street, trendy glasses, fishnets, the double looped scarf (it's the one that doesn't hang. It wraps around your neck twice and just sort of lays like an over-sized necklace) Legends of the Fall and Diane Keaton: Count me in!

The new season of Girls Next Door, AC/DC's new CD, Ne-yo being confirmed gay, fake nails, period pieces and Angelina Jolie with her overacting "I want to be taken SO seriously slash I'm a home wrecking whore" movies: I'm out people!

Opinions welcome this week! What are you in and out on?

Until next time, it's just another day in the life.

My Everest!

People, I've had a revelation. Maybe not a revelation as much as a stylization. I've climbed my Everest- I've finally found my personal style. I bought a couple of things today, but I also needed a dress to wear to a funeral I'm attending. It dawned on me that I totally knew where to go and exactly what to buy. I knew right away what would work best on me and what to completely avoid, and I realized that that's the beauty of discovering your personal style. Now, that's not to say that you're stylish, but if you've truly found out what you should be wearing and what you want to wear and how far in between them you can go, then you've fought half the battle. The key, I think, is to figure out which part of the spectrum you're on, find stores that cater to that, and for Heaven's sake invest one hour of your life on the internet or in a book store finding out how to dress for your body type. Dressing for your body, specifically, can be the difference between a fashion faux pas and a fashion wal-la!

I'm also learning to figure out what's most important to me and letting that be my thing. I believe my thing is accessories. I'm naked without them, and I'm not biased on what I'll wear. I love necklaces, bracelets, earrings, mixing my metals, hats, scarves, tights, rings, headbands, weave- accessories! But for some it's shoes, skirts, tops, jeans - whatever, just figure out what DOESN'T work on you and avoid that. As I ponder this, I would also say don't get stuck in a rut with your style. Change it up some. I was looking in my closet several weeks ago, and I was all bummed out about having nothing to wear out. So I made a conscience effort to buy some going out clothes and stop focusing so much on work clothes. I also started really combing through my InStyle magazine and clinging to trends that I thought would work on me. Now, that does explain my hot pants jumpsuit fiasco, but hey you gotta be willing to have some trial and error. But I also locked in to leggings and boots and guess what, I'm totally doing it. You can't be afraid of the word "trend." Even if your style is classic, super causal or plain jane, there are still "trends" in all of those arenas that you can latch onto. Just be brave. Brave but smart. So any who, no Tim Gunn didn't die and appoint me Style Captain of the World, but I've had a revelation and it's my duty to share. So I urge you- reflect.seek out.try on.purchase.

Timeout- you broads better start watching Lipstick Jungle. It's moved to Friday nights, which is where all the great shows go to die. Please don't let them Studio 60 me again people. We gotta stick together on this.

My last tangent o' the evening is this photo of Gwyneth Paltrow. Shout out to JC for bringing this to my attention. I'm gonna take a brief moment of silence to pray this dress out of my memory for all of eternity, but I need to take a minute to discuss the booties. I caution you. The bootie can be tough and oh so wrong. So please be careful with it. You should think of them as fine china. They look awfully pretty on display at someone else's house, but you don't need to whip yours out at home everyday if you know what I mean. If you're confident you're wearing it right, and I have seen people wearing it right, then go for it! If you have some doubts, you may want to see a consultant. Again, the booty can be SO good. The way you wear it can be SO bad. Those are my words of wisdom for the day.

Until next time it's just another day in the life.

Yes We Can!

And for a moment, all was right with the world.

From Here It's Possible.

From Here It's Possible. If you're unfamiliar with the marketing genius that is this slogan, allow me to introduce you to the mighty Red Raiders of Texas Tech University. Give us the respect we deserve people. That's right - respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T! On this the first day of November two thousand and eight, the almighty Longhorns have fallen. The overrated, cheatin' tail, WERE number one ranked Texas Longhorns have come to Lubbock and left empty handed. I'd like to take a second to pay homage to Graham Harrell and Michael Crabtree, the greatest quarterback/wide receiver duo in Red Raider history- may they have continued success in their future endeavors. They've made my world, as a fan, a better place. And for this I am truly grateful. Fan- the word fan- it's a beautiful thing isn't it? It brings me to my acceptance speech, as one of the greatest TTU football fans of all time. I'd like to accept this award on behalf of the Big 12. I'd especially like to thank one Mike Leach for making this all possible, special shout outs to Barron Batch, Detron Lewis, and of course the two loves of my life- Graham and Michael- BFF you guys! As I move on to the responses of my tag (thanks Lees) I leave you with this. Are you really a fan? Does your stomach get tied up in knots when you're watching? Does your chest hurt when your team's down? Do you tie your over-sized flag to your back like a cape and run down the street when your team wins? Do you go to bed thinking "Gosh, I'm part of the bigger picture. My alma mater could change the world someday?" That's right, I'm questioning your fanhood peeps...I'm a fan. Are you?!

Texas Tech University- From Here It's Possible.

Okay, so I've been tagged and I'm supposed to write 6 quirky things about myself. If quirky means awesome, we could be here a while. I'm kidding. Here goes:

1. I generally won't pay for a sandwich. It's a weird thing for me. I feel like it's the ONE thing you can always make at home.

2. I don't eat eggs, and I've never had a banana. Both equally have no appeal. Apparently that's abnormal.

3. I need for people to say Bless you when I sneeze. If you don't, I judge, then you're generally screwed with me forever. I'm so serious about that it makes my eyes water just thinking about it.

4. I remember people by their outfits. I also unknowingly track other people's outfits- like by number of times worn, what's changed in the outft and do you own multiple pieces of the same clothing in different colors.

5. I hate naked people on tv. I'm semi-uncomfortable with nudity other than my own and Ant's. I cover my eyes or change the channel when I see it even if I'm alone.

Drum roll please...

6. Somewhere in my little brain I've actually convinced myself that the entire cast of the show Friends, are my actual friends. Therefore, when I've had a bad day or don't feel well I watch my DVDs and talk back to the screen. Even when I read articles or hear news about any of the cast members, I tend to take it extremely personally like they should be calling me any minute to tell me if it's true or not. Now I'm not sure if that's quirky or plain scary, but it's what I do.

I Baracked my vote last week, and I'm proud of it! If you haven't already- don't forget to VOTE!

Until next time- it's just the BEST day in the life!

RAID-ER POW-ER!!!

Don't Be High Maintenance!

Okay- so here's the photo of my full body, jumpsuit, hot pants extravaganza from last week! I told ya'll I was fine! Any who- beware peeps- this could be a long post cause I have things to say!

First off, ladies I need you to self reflect. Are you a high maintenance friend? Do you need more than some of your friends can give you? If you are, and I mean if (so none of you get to make this about you and think "Jess is totally talking about me and she's saying I'm high maintenance" blah blah blah) then maybe you have to give those of us that have to maintain you a bit of a break. I mean we have careers, family, other friends and you kind of wear us out. So could you just chill? Cut us break. Try being the one who listens to the problem instead of always having the problem. Granted I may not share, because let's face it I'm borderline missing those parts, but the ask is nice. So lady to ladies I'm here to tell you- you may be the "high maintenance" friend. You've been warned. As my good friend Beyonce says "let me upgrade ya." You could be replaced if you don't chillax. You'll also save your mutual friends from having to hear about how high maintenance you are and having to validate the low key friend. So it's really a win win for all involved. I must reiterate I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, so no "You were so talking about me on your blog today" phone calls.

Timeout- this is totally random, but don't buy Kroger brand bacon. It's $2.29 for a reason. It tastes like beef jerky.

Now before I move on to television, I feel the need to touch on a few new trends that I love: the over sized button down vest, the cropped vest and the scarf. Own it, wear it, do it, it's awesome. You too can be a fashionista if you add the right vest or scarf to an outfit. Now I have conditions with the cropped vest. I like it with a plain scoop or v-neck top and a cute pencil skirt not necessarily with a tailored white shirt. I think that looks a little played out and maybe too Talbot's for me (no offense Nicole, think of it as a shout out!) You want to jazz a fall outfit right up- add a scarf. Talk to me about how cute you look- I'll validate you. Now something that I have a question about- and feel free to leave me your thoughts in the comments- is the footless tight. I've seen them at Target and I'm confused. Isn't the footless tight really just a legging masquerading as a tight? I mean I'm all for that especially being so tall and having the tights stop before they hit my crotch issue, but I need to call it what it is. I'm just now delving into the leggings, so I've asked myself footless tight or legging? I vote- they're one in the same. Topping off my list of accessories that I lack but want to try these days is the belt. Apparently this is the 2008 women's mantra as they get ready in the morning: Belt it, belt it, when in doubt-belt it. I mean I've seen belts all over the freakin' place. Now, some of them have been fantastic and added an extra level to an outfit. On the other hand, you don't need a belt for ALL your outfits. If you've worn a belt three times this week, you're doing too much- just saying. If you're doing it right (Razzy)- keep up the good work.



Timeout- the Allen TJ Maxx/Homegoods - one word: Awesome!



Girls and sports- I need to put this out there. You need to know something about sports ladies, preferably football and basketball. It's sexy, men like it, and it's just good sense. If you're out there right now, and you know what I mean by out there, you're going to be a lot less marketable if you don't know anything about sports. Now if you're married or hooked up and your significant other likes sports, then by all means return the favor. It just adds another dimension to your common interests and makes you even hotter. Men like it when their wives and girlfriends can carry on intelligent sports convos with their friends. Don't be the lame wife who can only talk about cooking and sewing or something else equally gay. Be mad if you want to, but I'm trying to help YOU out. I digress.

Last thing I promise- I'm out on Desperate Housewives. Out, 100% out. I can't do ugly Eva Longoria and hot Terry Hatcher or "I can't feel my face" Marcia Cross. I'm out. I have, however, been reminded of the Starter Wife (thank you JC). I watched it last year, and it was one of my fave shows. Debra Messing and the little unknown black girl from Dreamgirls are really good in it. If you can stomach all the Ponds Cold Cream shameless advertising and product placement, it's really a good show. It's on USA- get familiar. Now it's come to my attention that some people (in 2008) don't have cable at home. Really? Well I'll be the one to tell you since clearly no one else has- you're doing a disservice, a great disservice to yourself, your friends and those co-workers who attempt to have something in common with you. So get cable, Geez.

Any who, it's been eventful lately, but until next time, it's just another day in the life.

Channeling My Inner Rihanna

Because of my ever-growing love for her and because I might be a little crazy, I’ve been channeling my inner celebrity. Picture this if you will- a full body shorts jumpsuit, tights, boots, necklaces (lots of necklaces), black and gold bangles and yes a headband. YIKES! That’s what I wore to SYTYCD last week. I may have broken my cardinal rule of fashion by wearing that many outfits at once! Have you ever been in a dressing room trying something on and immediately you’re like “Oh yes, I can totally wear this!” Yeah, chances are… maybe not. Any who, I totally wore it and thought I was tha bomb!

Time out- I have things to say about the fashion or lack there of that I’ve seen in Dallas lately. All I have to say is dress up a little bit people. Geez. I was at Fair Park Music Hall, and I’ve never seen so many jeans, and not dressy good jeans- just jeans. I get the need to be causal, but it’s the theatre and this is Dallas, Texas. Have some respect. I mean I LOVE to dress up. I take every opportunity I can to over-do it a little bit. This is Dallas. We have our own song. They make movies about us. We have every major designer brand and retailer (minus H&M sadly) that New York and L.A. have. Other cities in Texas wish they had the retail therapy we have. Get it together people. If you have the appropriate venue- throw on a trendy outfit or at least a dress and some good jewelry. Holy Balls! I digress.

So my Advice-of-the-Week is to buy something fun! Treat yourself to something awesome that you wouldn’t normally buy. The trendy outfit, the cowboy boots you’ve been secretly wanting, new eye shadow colors…whatever, just get something fun that’s just for you! P.S. I’m having one of those days where I think it’s perfectly acceptable to shop like you married into money and you don’t have to work everyday. So I’ll be broke before I get paid no doubt.

Until next time, it’s just another day in the life.

Fall tv rocks my ever loving world.

Private Practice, Dirty Sexy Money and the second episode of Lipstick Jungle were equally fantastic. The verdict is still out (thank you Jill) on Lucy Lui on Dirty Sexy Money though. I'm just not sure about it yet. She had a very small role, but still. I just don't know if I'm okay with it. I gotta say, whoa on the stuff they show on regular tv now. Lucy Lui's undies came off on DSM, I mean all the way off. Yaosa! And it was another successful parade o' fashion on Lipstick. I need all the jewelry, all the clothes and all the shoes. So if anyone finds out how I can accomplish this, by all means let me know.

On another note, where the h is all the celebrity gossip lately? Hasn't a teen pop star gone wrong been banished to rehab or some actually famous person (not you Solange, you're not famous your sister is) done something really stupid lately? It almost gives me nothing to blog about. Geez.

Time out- Since there's no good celebrity gossip going on right now, let's talk about music. I'm a lover of quite an assortment of music, but that just means I have something for everyone. If you're not familiar with these songs- I need you to update.

• Green Light, Andre 3000 & John Legend
• Single, NKOTB featuring Ne-yo (That's right people- New Kids on the freakin' Block...jam-min)
• American Boy, Estelle featuring Kanye West - it's a little overplayed, but still hot
• Love Lockdown, Kanye West (album drops in November-can't wait!)
• Nothing Lasts Forever, Maroon 5 (Adam Levine- need I say more)
• You Can Have Whatever you Like, TI
• And the award for most underrated artist goes to: Jason Mraz...me gusta!

Consider yourself updated if you didn't already know. It actually physically pains me not to include Please Don't Stop the Music on any play list, but if you haven't heard that song then you're probably beyond repair. Any who, it's the yoush.

Until next time, it's just another day in the life

It's Fall Peeps!

With October knocking on the door and not a falling leaf to be seen, I've taken it upon myself to announce the coming of fall. We're just gonna have to bring it on ourselves ladies, so I'm putting you on notice- it's time. Your mission this week, should you choose to accept it, is to whip out the fall decor at home, wear boots to work and do something fall-ish. Perhaps you can make some soup or add some leafy decor to an email or something. But fall won't come to us, so we're just gonna have to bring fall to Texas. Join me won't you? Oh, but do it right, or I'll have to mock you. No tights, no vests, no beanies or anything particularly wintery- all inappropriate for this weather. But a boot with a dress never killed anyone. If you're hot, carry a handkerchief and wipe when no one's looking. Hell, carry a sweat towel if necessary. Fight through it, we're wearing fall clothes.

With the onset of fall apparel comes the return of fall tv! Can we talk about this a second? How freaking fantastic is Lipstick Jungle people? It may be among the top three shows on television right now. Below you'll find a list of the shows I'll be watching this year. Those with asterisks will be discussed further.

• Lipstick Jungle*
• The Mentalist*
• Dirty Sexy Money
• Brothers & Sisters
• Desperate Housewives*
• Private Practice*
• Grey's Anatomy*
• The Game
• Re-runs of Project Runway
• A plethora of HGTV shows
• That show with the fat kids (if Shaq does it again)

Lipstick Jungle- I've never wanted to have ALL the clothes in the world more than I do now. If every outfit they wore in the first episode of this season was mine, I wouldn't need anything else to wear- ever. All the jewelry, the good hair styles- minus at least 3 inches of Brooke Shields hair- and the appropriate make up for every scene!!! Can you imagine? Sex in the City was a little out there for me. Don't get me wrong, it was one of the greatest and most necessary shows of our time, but sometimes I felt like I couldn't relate to that lifestyle. These women, for me anyway, are much easier to relate to and I can see myself living their lives. Although, I will never be in a high powered six figure position in New York City, I do see myself being married with two kids and too busy to think or telling people what to wear and needing a publicist or maybe having a young thing on the side! Not really, but you know what I'm saying. You never know, it could happen. My point- Lipstick Jungle is fan-freaking-tastic and if you're not watching it- you need to get familiar.

The Mentalist- I have a weird thing for Simon Baker. I think it's because he was in the movie with Sanaa Lathan "Something New" where he falls in love and marries her. The white guy black girl thing is hot, and those lovey dovey scenes - hubba hubba. That's all I have to say about that!

Desperate Housewives- That was hot mess if I ever saw one. It was 100% whack. First off, when the gay guys with the camera phone was the funniest part of the show, you got a serious problem. I can't even look at Eva Longoria like that for two more weeks, let alone a whole season. And why is Carlos still blind and fat for that matter? I think they'll also see some backlash from the Hispanic community on those little girls being so overweight and called Juanita. A formal spoiled, rich supermodel has a blind fat husband, two overweight kids (one named Juanita) yet still drives an Aston Martin...are you kidding? Again people, we've got to start saying things out loud first. Then maybe you'll hear how stupid they sound. Bree synonymous with Botox perhaps? I digress. Maybe we should get un-familiar with this show.

Private Practice- Who can't wait to see Addison? I can't. I can't. The story line with the Dell, the hot little reception guy and Taye Diggs ex-wife- hot hot hot! Again, my favorite scenario- can't wait to see what happens! Although Taye Diggs doesn't meet my height requirement, he's still hot and to see him without his clothes can only be a good thing. I've always really liked that guy from Wings too, so bring it Private Practice, bring it!

Grey's Anatomy- GOOD season premiere. I like what I see so far. It's time for Yang to get back in the saddle, so the army guy was right on time. I'd like to see more of that. I gotta say though, the Meredith and Derek will she or won't she is PLAYED OUT. We're gonna need to see something else this season or I'm gonna puke. Just move in with him, get married, start having problems and affairs and get divorced already. GEEZ. I did catch a glimpse of Denny though, so let's see what happens with that- Yippe! I liked sweet vulnerable Crev (krev- I don't know how to spell it but you know who I'm talking about). Let's stop making him such a dirty man whore, and if we could buy Katherine Heigl a story line- that would be great. The verdict's still out on this one.

So any who, that's what going on in my world. Ant and I did get the green light to start trying again, so there will be more shows Tivo-ed than watched live, if you know what I mean! Hubba hubba. Other than that it's the yoush- that's my new word. Michele likes to shorten words, and I've decided that it's cool, so yoush is short for usual. Alrighty...

Until next time, it's just another day in the life.

Glitter in the Club

I have to preface this post by making a few short statements. The first comes from an expression I read while surfing profiles on myspace: I'm a Christian lady, but sometimes I get a little drunk. Sounds about right to me! I found myself "over-served" this week. I blame the bar really. Any who, this resulted in some serious shenanigans. Exhibit A, you'll see to the right is my newly tattooed foot. Apparently it's me and Noah. I had a point at the time, Lord knows. I like it a lot though! And FYI, I have gray and white paint all over my foot. It's not just ashy.

This brings me to Exhibit B: Glitter in the club. Above you'll find a photo of an unsuspecting patron of The Mustang Bar in Plano. I should say that Ant and I found ourselves in a club this weekend celebrating a great friend's 30th birthday. It was actually a lot of fun, I just haven't been to a club in a minute! Not only did I feel a little out of place but also kind of old and cranky. But I'm here to tell you people, that I have missed some fashion "must-haves" as far as appropriate club attire goes. My husband, I blame myself, is also a few bedazzled t-shirts and and a scarf away from acceptable club decorum. Is it just me or did Ed Hardy throw up all over everyone in Dallas? Never in one place have I seen so many rhinestones and glitter on grown men. I mean this is just my humble opinion and everything, but geez if you're getting dressed and you've managed to put on true religion jeans, a rhinestone, bedazzled, lion roaring, skull & cross bones, heart with wings, Ed Hardy t-shirt, a metallic glittered belt, sunglasses, two rings, a watch, a diamond bracelet and a scarf, you may be doing too much. Am I wrong??? Ant and I have an inside joke about him not having enough accessories, but I learned this weekend that he is sorely under accessorized for Dallas. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself I did- but not because I was up dancing and being over-served, but because I had a prime seat on the balcony for people watching and judgement passing. I wish I could have videotaped my people Saturday night. WOW!

Any who, that was a highlight of my weekend. Ant and I don't have a free weekend for a date night until the 25th of next month, but what I'm planning is gonna be a doozey! That leads me into my last and final point: Ladies, take some extra time to love on your lover this week! Whether it's your husband, boyfriend or any significant other take the time to do or say something really nice for them. If it's that kind of week, and you just can't find it in you to do anything, then just say a quick prayer for them. We all have those weeks. I say this because I was out this weekend, and I saw some DESPERATE ladies. I mean desperate women, and I was so thankful that not only was I with the best looking, most wonderful man in the room (in my humble opinion) but I also got to go him with him. I wouldn't trade that for being the single-let it ALL hang out- ladies that I saw this weekend. Just a thought for the week if you're looking to have some "adult activities" time. I digress.

Until next time, it's just another day in the life.

P.S. If you're ordering from Wendy's at lunch or Starbuck's in the morning- know what you want. It's not like it's your first time. Same menu people, geez.

Back to Reality.

Well, we've come full circle and we're back where we started. I'll talk all about Europe and how wonderful our trip was in detail, but first I feel I have to preface by wrapping up the last month of my life. I found myself at a crossroads where I never thought I'd be. I was standing on the edge of -this will be what swallows me whole, crushes my spirit and leaves me never the same- and this will be the event that changes my life, intensely builds my character and determines how I will live from now on. Luckily, I've chosen the latter. I've recovered. Praise the Lord. Not to say there haven't been really crappy moments and I know there will be more, but I have a new perspective on how to deal with all that, and I've come out on the other side. With that said, naturally, I have rules. No one acts weird, overly sympathetic, timid or anything less than normal. I'm fine, and in the event that I'm not fine, I am brave enough to say so and tell you to leave me alone until I'm ready. Deal everyone? Super! Any who- again thank you for the thoughts and prayers. They brought me back to life.

Onwards, to our trip. I'll start with Germany. It's breathtaking. It's the most picturesque, beautiful, this is how God intended it place I've ever seen. Funny- all I had in my head about Germany, mind you I'm no history buff, was Hitler, Knotzies (sp), big wall dividing everything, everything ends in berg, wurst, kraut- gross. I'm happy to announce that I could not have been more wrong. The air is air you can actually breathe without coughing, the food is delicious, and the people (even though they stared at us like a museum exhibit because we were the only black folks some of them had ever seen) are super friendly. Now, with all that said, I must continue on to say- can I get a ride next time? Geez, I've never walked or as my Uncle Tony would say "go by feet" so much in my life. I hardly walk to my mailbox and it's right outside my door. My feet still hurt, but it's a small price to pay to see mountains, rolling green hills, castles, the Danube River, small villages where everyone knows everyone and still says hello and people in their 70s, 80s and 90s who can still walk up 5 flights of stairs, do their own cooking and cleaning and still try to learn English. It was amazing and to see my wonderful husband and the rest of his international family was heartwarming and great. I thank him for sharing that part of who he is with me.

Italy, oh Italia. I've never been in a place quite like it. I'm going to start on Italy with the negatives, just so as I wrap it up you can remember all the absolutely incredible things about it and still want desperately to visit or revisit. If you have no problem with must, like 6 year old boys playing football from 1 to 4 pm in Texas with no deodorant must, then by all means get on a public bus in Italy. Would it kill the descendants of the world's most brilliant engineers who brought us the Colosseum, Pantheon and Trevi Fountain to give the good folks of Rome some AC? I mean seriously, there were several times that I thought "if the events of the last couple weeks haven't killed me yet, this will." I thought I might burst into flame. I was just sweating uncontrollably- walking and sweating. Now, I admit we were a little spoiled by the super nice people in Germany, but the Italians not so much nice. They may be the rudest most unhelpful bunch I've ever come into contact with, and I work in Business Development. I'm a shopper. I'm a shopper and a spender and I've never experienced anything like Venice, Italy. I paid $7 for a can of coke with no ice- ice extra. Okay that's it for the cons, I promise, but seriously I hope you have like a million dollars when you go.

Italy is the most historic unbelievable thing I've ever seen. Venice is everything you see in movies, pictures, paintings and more. It's like being in a fairytale. The Grand Canal, the gondolas, St. Mark's Square, The Rialto Bridge- it's all so much better than I could have imagined. The airport lost my luggage the whole time we were in Venice, and I had to use Ant's "cleaning products" we'll say and wear his clothes, but who had time to care about that when I was in what has to be one of the most beautiful places on earth. I LOVED it. When you get the opportunity please visit. Rome was magnificent. The Colosseum (Ant's favorite part of the trip) was just as awesome as it looks in Gladiator. All the history that goes along with it is equally cool. Those are probably some of my favorite photos that we took as well, precisely why I think we took about 100. The Forum, the Pantheon, the Piazza Venezia and just walking through all the streets was just so neat. I enjoyed every second, even when we were roaming around lost. One of the other highlights for me was the Trevi Fountain. It's gorgeous and detailed and romantic and wonderful. We threw our coins in backwards so hopefully we'll return someday. If you have the chance, please visit Italy. Have some gelato (2 times a day if you want-it's that good), shop (I opted for retail therapy versus regular therapy with a person), eat (everything on your plate because it costs $50) and see all the ridiculously amazing sites. It's well worth every penny.

Even with a fantastic trip to Europe I'm definitely glad to be back. I missed home. I missed my friends and family. I missed my work. I'm looking forward to the next chapter of our lives. You know, everyone tells me that everything happens for a reason and that someday I'll know what to make of all this. That gives me hope that something new is coming and I need to be ready for it. So that's my plan. In the meantime, I'm sure they'll be more posts full of my completely inappropriate thoughts and comments. Try to control your excitement.

Until then, it's just another day in the life.

There May Just Be Light at the End of this Tunnel

Thank you all again so much for your thoughts, prayers, emails, cards, flowers and texts. They have been a tremendous help and have carried us through these days. My husband says he's never been more proud of anyone, and I told him that I have been so strong because there are people praying for and thinking of us from all over the nation. I've truly felt every prayer and sincerely thank each one of you.

Today has probably been the toughest of all of my days so far. Just as fast as my baby was here, he was gone. Many people have said many things to me, but nothing gives me more comfort than knowing that some day I'll see Noah in heaven and he'll recognize me. He's now in a place where he can run, see, hear and do the work of the Lord- things he never would have experienced on earth. I imagine that God has some work for him to do, and he's busy getting his assignments.

The surgery went well- that sounds funny to say and makes me so sad, but the positive of all of this is that Ant and I will be able to try again soon. I told him maybe we'd do IVF this time and have 6 babies at once. I'm hurting now and probably delirious. I'll watch one episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 and quickly change my mind I'm sure. We're going to leave for Europe on Saturday and attempt to have a good time. I hope we can start the healing process and start looking forward to a brighter future.

Again, I can't thank everyone enough. Thank you for sharing your stories and your lives with us. I wouldn't want this path for anyone in the world, but this is now my story. I've come full circle today. I started this journey of wanting to start a family about 8 months ago, and generally after you've done the pregnancy thing you get to do the mommy thing. That wasn't the case for me this time, but I'm determined not to let my story end here. If at first you don't succeed, try try again. And try again we will. I'm disappointed, exhausted, in pain yet at peace. So no worries everyone- I will persevere. We will persevere.

On a more amusing note to you ladies, I do have about 10 pounds to loose pretty quickly, so maybe we'll pray about that next huh? I love you all and I thank you for being here.

Until next time, it's just another day in the life.

Definitely More than Just a Day in the Life

For those of you who don't know or don't fully understand what's going on with us I'll explain. On Tuesday morning of last week Ant and I had an ultrasound that revealed that our baby's head was measuring a bit smaller than average, from there we were scheduled to see a perinatal specialist. It wasn't an immediate cause for concern as the doctors don't have the same level of equipment as the specialist and couldn't really see what was going on. So Friday came and I as we sat in the waiting room Ant was as cool as a cucumber- totally calm, and I was shaking like a leaf and a complete nervous wreck. I guess you could say that was my mother's intuition kicking in early- I knew something was wrong. So within seconds of the doctor putting the ultrasound tool on my tummy, she said "This is what I see- this is what's going on." Long story short- our baby has a severe birth defect called spina bifida. His spine never closed all they way, there's fluid build up on the back of his brain and the ventricles in his brain are extremely over developed. In short, he'll never walk or be able to do normal things like use the restroom or carry on an accurate conversation on his own. It was my worst nightmare and something I never even thought of realized. With that said, our options weren't great. We could carry him to term and see what happens- this 10 times out of 10 hasn't ended well with this particular diagnosis. We could try a treatment that's in early stages of clinical trials where they cut open my uterus, remove the baby, attempt to close the spine and put him back inside. This is extremely risky for me and the baby- there's a chance neither of us would make it. Then my final option- terminate the pregnancy.

So many times in my life I've always said that terminating a pregnancy would never even be an option for me. No matter what the circumstance, I'm a Christian person, and not to judge others in any way, but for me it would never be an option. I had no idea. It feels like it's our only option. How could we live everyday watching our child suffer endlessly. We may have him for 4 years. We may have him for 4 days. But Ant and I couldn't watch someone we love so much suffer because we really wanted a baby. So as a mother of this tiny child who doesn't get any say in the matter I have to decide whether he lives or dies. It's gut-wrenching and it's cruel and it's now my reality. We're scheduled for emergency surgery Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Just like that, the child I've been so excited about and wanted so much will be gone. I would not wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy, yet I wouldn't want anyone to have to trade lives with us right now.

I've gone through a range of so many emotions this weekend. I'm devastated, angry, confused, heartbroken yet faithful. I have to believe that God has a plan. I have to believe that there's a reason that this is our road and that He is in control and that somehow we will get through this. I have to believe that this trial that seems unbearable will help someone, save someone, exempt someone from having to go through the same. Ant and I laughed yesterday. I told him that I actually found some peace in the fact that we've sort of taken one for the team. We were the 1 in 35,000 that this happens to, so that all of our friends and family won't have to experience this. So you're welcome everyone! Please go on to have healthy babies- lots of them. I sincerely mean that. And we will too. The recurrence rate of this disease is slim to none, and Ant and I will be able to try again very soon. The doctors have a plan for us, and they now know what will have to be done to at least prevent it. This defect is multifactorial and there's not one particular cause. In our case there's no family history, we did everything by the book- it was just a fluke.

I want to close by saying thank you. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. We've made it from morning to afternoon to night because we've truly felt covered in prayer. No matter what your belief is or who your God is- my advice to you is just to get one. Now I prefer that you find Jesus, but if you don't, just find someone. I promise you I would have wrapped my car around a tree by now without God. I also want to say thank you (publicly) to my husband. He's everything that I'm not and he is incredible. He's the closest thing to perfect that I've ever witnessed and not for one second have I had to face this alone. Lastly, please don't pity us or wonder how we will survive. Just know that we will survive and we will be stronger and better than we ever have been. I'm a tough girl, and I will survive this. I don't know how right now, but God will take care of that.

Until next time, it's just another (horrific but survivable) day in the life.

Turning 26

So I turned 26 this weekend and I must say I feel a little old. Not old in terms of years really just old in the fact that when I was 18 or 20 I don't think I ever really thought of being 26. I'm so much closer to 30 than 20. Have I accomplished enough? Do I consider myself successful? Is my life as full as I thought it would be? I think it's time for a little self reflection people. Could you stand to join me?



Any who, I should thank everyone who made my birthday weekend so great. My family, friends, co-workers and wonderful husband made my weekend most memorable. I heart you. Awww, 143 you guys!



TIME OUT: You'll probably see these time outs in my blog from time to time. I'm totally random, especially in my story telling, so forgive me for needing to take a brief time out to deviate from my initial topic.

So I was shopping this weekend- one of my higher level talents when I stumbled upon Tina at a store that will remain nameless. Tina was lovely really. HOWEVER- Tina needed laser hair removal the way I need Jesus. So my thought is for those of you who have kids or plan to have kids or have kids on the way- PAY ATTENTION. These types of unfortunate issues don't just appear generally. If your kid is unfortunately hairy early on, you're just going to have to make your peace with the fact that they're gonna be an early waxer or in need of some kind of electrolysis. Go ahead and build it into your budget. It'll be fine and your kids will thank you. All I'm saying is if you see traces of a uni-brow, a little peach fuzz on a girl or any kind of side burn beard connection- (Tina) plan on starting early. This is less of a criticism than you may interpret- think of it as more of a public service announcement.



Okay back to the weekend- I just have a few more comments. I'm going to Europe in like a week!!! Why didn't anyone tell me it was happening so soon? I was sitting in a meeting looking at the calendar today and it dawned on me that I'm leaving next week. I'm completely unprepared. I haven't even decided to weave or not to weave yet. YIKES. My point is I'll be off the blog for a couple of weeks, so you'll have to look for your child rearing tips elsewhere. BTW- it's come to my attention that there are women blogging and speaking from the perspective of the child in their tummy. Ummm stop that. That's good for no one and a little gay I gotta say.



Alright- I'm out, but I'll leave you with another story from the weekend.


I was in a hurry because Ant and I were super late for my birthday dinner on Saturday night. So I run into Office Depot to grab some batteries for the camera. Wouldn't you know I get behind Mr. Super Cheap who would like to buy 2 envelopes out of the 50 envelope pack. He said "So I can't just buy these two envelopes?" and the no more than 17 year old cashier says "Um, no sir you have to buy the pack, you can't open it and get out 2." So he's all pissed and says "Do you think I can go online and do it?" Remember I'm super late for my birthday dinner listening to this. As I tap my foot impatiently, I'm thinking - really, really- this clown wants to go online and wait for 2 individual envelopes to be shipped to him? The moral of the story is maybe we don't give enough credit to the incredibly stupid. It's got to take some time to come up with something that dumb to say. So next time you hear or see a complete idiot on the loose maybe throw a little "Bless your heart" out there- they may need it.

Until next time, I guess it's just another day in the life.

Why Blog?

I was talking to some friends at work that blog, and I asked myself why would I blog? Who would be interested in my life events or my opinions on things. Well- everyone, dah? It's not that my life is extraordinary, it's just that my life is in fact extra-ordinary. Normal things that probably happen daily to people seem to take an interesting turn when it concerns me.

Yesterday, for example, - wait I need to preface my blog by stating some things first.

• Do not critique or proceed to offer grammar corrections to me. You are probably 100% correct but they are unwelcomed and completely out of place on my blog.
• My stories and experiences may seem farfetched, however people, they are true.
• You may appear in this blog from time to time and comments could positive or negative, but this is my blog. If you don't like it, perhaps you need your own
• If you do have further comments concerning my blog you're welcome to email me. If you don't have my email, I don't want your comment.

Okay back to yesterday. So, I volunteered at a soccer camp for work. In walks Gary, a very small 4 year old. Gary sits down across from me and before we start our art project he says, "So what kind are you? Black and Mexican?" and I, holding back all of my laughter, say "Well, I'm just regular Black I guess. What kind are you? Are you Black and Mexican?" and he looks at me and he says "No...I guess I'm just regular Mexican."

Who says that??? A small regular Mexican kid named Gary I guess.

Any who, give me time to add pictures and all that crap and maybe this will be a little entertaining place to be on the web. No promises.

Until next time - it's just a day in the life of Jessica.